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Deep Thoughts On Life And Death

March 29, 2013 by Leah Leave a Comment

I’m not a huge fan of Easter. Growing up, we didn’t really do the fun Easter basket thing or egg hunting, it was always a “spring celebration” or a “spring basket” because God forbid I should get the Easter bunny and the true meaning of Easter confused. I also always thought church was so utterly contrived at this time of year. I was never into the bearded guy in church playing Jesus, hanging on a cross with ketchup dripping off his torso. I hated the music that was always either utterly depressing or super cheesy. And yet, Easter is the crux of what I believe. I mean, without Easter, my faith would just be worthless really. So I acknowledge Easter in my heart by quietly reading the story at home, away from the masses of once-a-year churchgoers and those who are way more faithful than I am about attending. I sit and try to fathom the depth of what it means and how I should live my life as a result of it. I do this because it’s a holiday and that’s what you’re supposed to do on a holiday.

Let me tell you, Easter has hit me like a brick this year. My dear friend, Will, has cancer. In fact, Will received news this week that he only has a few weeks left with us on this earth. The cancer is taking over. With a good friend staring death in the face I am reminded of the fact that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross conquered death for good. Do not be mistaken, Christ’s death did not erase the searing pain of loss, did not serve to make losing a loved one any easier, but it forever changed things on the other side of humanity. So
as I sit in the daze of confusion surrounding all that is happening to Will, I cling to the fact that somewhere, ages ago, death lost its power. In the middle of this achingly unfair situation that causes me to weep tears of loss, the knowledge of God’s power is what I have to comfort me. I have no idea what Heaven is like and I don’t pretend to. I have no idea if we will see our loved ones, how they will look, what we will do. Will we eat? Pray? Sing all day long? Who knows. But the one thing I do know is that God exists. I believe in him like I believe in the things I can see with my eyes and hold in my hands. I believe that Jesus came to earth and I believe that he rose again even though it’s a crazy story and there are days when my faith goes missing and I end up questioning everything, thinking, “But what if he didn’t? OMG, we’re all screwed!”

I am reading Anne Lamott’s latest book, and I just love her so much. It’s called Help. Thanks. Wow. The Three Essential Prayers and it’s about how those three words sum up prayer perfectly. Anne is real, let me tell you. She just lays it out there without all the saccharine, Christian-y language that makes me hate talking to church people sometimes. She has lost friends to cancer, she has watched them go through pain and suffering before taking their final breath, and she talks about how to pray for them. She says:

There are no words for the broken hearts of people losing people, so I ask God, with me in tow, to respond to them with graciousness and encouragement enough for the day. Everyone we love and for whom we pray with such passion will die, which is the one real fly in the ointment, so we pray for miracles – please help this friend live, please help that friend die gracefully – and we pray for the survivors to somehow come through.
In prayer I see the suffering bathed in light. In God there is no darkness. I see God’s light permeate them, soak into them, guide their feet. I want to tell God what to do: “Look, Pal, this is a catastrophe. You have got to shape up.” But it wouldn’t work. So I pray for people who are hurting, that they be filled with air and light. Air and light heal; they somehow get into those dark, musty places, like spiritual antibiotics.
We don’t have to figure out how this all works – “figure it out” is not a good slogan. It’s enough to know it does.

I got the latest update on Will’s condition yesterday morning and there was something in the email that took my breath away. A person had asked him if he was angry about the situation, and his response was, “No, I couldn’t be. I gave up the rights to my life when I said I was going to follow Christ.” Pause for a moment and let those words sink in. That is why I just love the guy. This is Will. Quiet, steady, faithful, insightful Will.

After reading the words of my friend, I realized that my perspective on my own life needs to change. Instead of thinking of all the things I want to do, instead of focusing on me me me, and pleading with God to let this happen or let that happen so I can be happy in life, that I need to seriously recalibrate and consciously perceive every single blessing as an incredible privilege. That whole “your life is not your
own” phrase has been thrown around for years in Christian circles, but the impact of those words never hit me with the reality they carry at this moment in time. “I gave up the rights to my life when I said I was going to follow Christ.” It needs to be posted on my bathroom mirror. It needs to be stuck to the dashboard of my car. It needs to be tattooed somewhere cool. It needs to be scrawled in letters across the sky. But even more than that, it needs to be written in permanent ink on my heart. It needs to change how I live my (borrowed) life.

So with Easter coming up and with all of this heavy sadness facing my friends and all of us who love them dearly, I contemplate once again what it means to follow Christ. We all stand with Will and his incredibly brave wife, Angie, and we send them love. We will hope for a miracle in the next days. And no matter what happens we will cling to our faith that says death holds no power over those whose hope is in God.

For more information on Will and his incredible story, please visit http://goteamgray.com/. There are many financial needs that Will and Angie have faced and will continue to face over the course of this journey. If you feel moved to donate, please do so here. You can also help in other ways. If you love music, Will has an EP on iTunes, and he also has a song on Blake Shelton’s new album that just came out on Tuesday. Will’s song is called “Do You Remember” and can be downloaded on iTunes and Amazon. And if that isn’t enough talent to blow your mind, Will also filmed a documentary that debuted in 2011 called Broke* about his journey as an artist. Lots of awesome people like Kelly Clarkson, John Legend, and The Fray were involved in this project. You can view the trailer at http://www.brokedoc.com/magazine/ and order the soundtrack here.

Emerging From Hibernation: Seeds, Trees, and Planting Fever

March 18, 2013 by Leah Leave a Comment

It was 72 degrees on Saturday, which meant that after being stuck inside all winter, things got a little crazy. In an effort to completely forget how stressful last week was at work, I threw myself into projects around the house. It worked. I forgot. I even forgot how stressful this upcoming week is going to be by:

weeding all the beds surrounding the house and cleaning the dead leaves from around the peonies and irises that are coming in.
redoing one side of the front walk (more on that later).
spreading more humus (not hummus) in the garden, along with 25 pounds of lime to help with acidity issues. Rob re-tilled the garden and we are officially ready to go.
painting the trim in the guest room and re-painting the trim the bathroom. I would have taken a picture, but I couldn’t lift my arms. How Michelangelo survived the Sistine Chapel, I have no idea.
removing all the ugly white gravel and plastic mulch surrounding the whiskey barrel planters by the patio (this will be a separate blog post when it’s finished so you can get the full effect).
chatting with not one, not two, but 6 different neighbors who walked by. I love how friendly everyone is! One of them said his wife would have come over to say hi, but it was her special time of the month and, “Well, we know you ain’t lazy because you’re out here all the time working on stuff.” If he had seen the inside of my house at that moment he might have changed his tune.

Tonight, I am sore and tired, and so thankful that numbers were not on my brain during my days off. I am a firm believer in the separation of work and home life. So I freaked out on Saturday morning when I walked in to the laundry room to find MY FIRST TOMATO plant poking up through the soil! YAY!!! And the chives were also coming up, but whatever, those are
easy, it’s the tomatoes I’m really worried about. By the afternoon
several more little plants were showing up. This is promising! Look how tiny and vulnerable they are.

Now I have to watch out for fungus gnats, which are carried in the soil and emerge as plants are watered and growing. Also, damping off, which sounds like an STD for plants, but just means that they rot at the base of the stem and then die, a tragic end for any seedling.

So, let’s chat about the front walk. When I moved into the house, I redid the front walk by tearing out the ugly red begonias the landscapers had planted and planting all the perennials I’d been keeping at my apartment. You can revisit that adventure here. So on Saturday, I tore out the other side of the walk, removing the old mulch, gravel, and leftover liriope (lee-ree-ope). Ugly stuff. I fought a battle with those plants, but they finally admitted defeat and came out of the ground. I transplanted them to a side garden, but I need to come up with another solution…maybe around the base of some of the trees. Not sure yet. Here is the lonely, sad side of the walk, sans pretty flowers.

I went to Lowes and fell in love with these little pincushion plants called armeria (ar-mee-ree-a).

The “specialist” in the garden center at Lowes could tell me nothing about this plant other than, “My wife and I have these and did nothing to them and they grew.” When asked about pruning the apple trees I’d purchased there last fall, he replied, “You should look online about that. You’d be surprised what you can find on the internet these days.” Now, all of you have heard me rant about the garden centers around here and the lack of trained staff therein. I told my dad tonight that I immediately discredit someone when I realize they know less about plants than I do (I have a lot to learn). It’s not until someone says something that proves they have legit cred when it comes to gardening that I get excited. So I left Lowes and went online to check out armeria and apple tree pruning. Online armeria are described as “moderately difficult.” Drat.

Armeria are small, compact, and have fun little clumps of pink flowers. They can supposedly tolerate full sun, salty climates, and resist deer. I’m skeptical. I wish plant labels would specify the type of “full sun” a plant can take. Like, are we talking about a Long Island full sun, a Texas full sun, a Tennessee full sun??? Because let me tell you, I literally watched plants fry in the sun last year. Fry. Like a chicken finger. Or a kale chip (for all you vegetarians out there). The summer was brutal, and I dread to think what this summer has in store for us.

So if the armeria lets me down, I might consider hens and chicks, but let’s hope they can take it. This is how it ended up looking. Mini pine chips make everything look better. Huge fan of the pine chips.

The purple leaf plums in the front yard are just starting to bloom. They are beyond lovely! It is so exciting to finally be able to experience the house in the spring and literally watch it come alive.

More flower pictures to come!!! Daffodils are about to start blooming, tulip bulbs are sprouting, allium bulbs have surfaced…it’s about to get real, people.

Dallas: I Think They Have A Sports Team There

March 15, 2013 by Leah Leave a Comment

This past weekend I went to Dallas to spend some time with two of my best friends in the world. We met our first week of college, lived together for a few years, and have faithfully kept in touch ever since.
Dallas is an interesting place. It’s a conglomeration of insanely wealthy 1%-ers and somewhat normal people. Lots of designer labels shoved in your face, lots of women wearing some shade of tan, and lots of Tory Burch. My girlfriend lives in the Highland Park area where all the mansions are. She found an adorable little apartment just down the road from Highland Park Village and we had great fun driving around the neighborhoods and freaking outover the size of the homes. The word “mansion” is defined by Highland Park. I grew up on the opposite side of the bay from the Hamptons, and let me tell you, the Hamptons are small beans compared to the oil money being flaunted in Dallas.

We ate at some incredible places. Anyone who knows me, knows I have a slight addiction to tea. I’m picky about my tea, but I really love it. The girls and I went to afternoon tea at the Adolphus Hotel, and it was such a lovely experience.

We lounged on velvet couches and fancy chairs, admiring the flowers, tapestries, and woodwork in the
room while talking about our dashed dreams of marrying billionaires. There were little tea sandwiches, scones, and desserts that were quite good, and we really OD’d on the tea…like, were kind of sick when we
left. But a good round of shoe shopping soon took care of that and then we were thinking about dinner.

Which leads us to the Meddlesome Moth. I want to start by saying that the food was divine. I had roast
chicken on a bed of creamed cauliflower and asparagus that really blew me away. The service, on the other hand, left a little to be desired and the microbrews we tried were sub par. Our server really didn’t know
much about beer because he brought me a porter that tasted like a merlot, and my friend tried his recommendation only to receive a tepid excuse for a hefeweizen. I would totally eat there again, but order
wine instead, and perhaps communicate a bit more with the server. The vibe is really cool with stained glass windows of Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis. I’m quite jealous we don’t have more places like that in
Nashville.

On Saturday we went to a lunch place called Bolsa which was ridiculously delicious. The special was braised chicken risotto with Greek cheese and roasted grapes. We asked the server how big the portion was, and all we can assume is that we must have looked un-hungry because I can safely say we could have downed about two more bowls of the stuff. It was drool-worthy spectacular risotto. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Then we headed to the Dallas World Aquarium where our ears were assaulted by screaming children and monkeys. This place was pretty cool. I still say that my hands-down favorite aquarium is the Tennessee Aquarium. I have rarely seen one with a better or more dynamic setup. If you ever visit anywhere near Chattanooga, make sure you go there or you are missing out on an awesome experience. The cool thing about the one in Dallas though is that it’s very open and is way more than just an aquarium. As soon as you walk in there are exotic birds flying overhead and monkeys are hanging out in the trees next to the walking path.

There’s a sloth hanging in a tree snacking on something gross and you can just walk up to the guy, take some pictures, and admire how chill he is in spite of all the crazy “spring break” children going nuts. He was so darn cute I could hardly stand it.

The aquarium part of the place was simply beautiful with tanks housing sea life from different parts of the world. I think this place is definitely worth the trip, but try to hit it on a less crowded day.

And lastly, I will mention this incredible little French place we went to, Toulouse Cafe’. The people-watching here is off the charts. If you eat here and don’t get the beignets, we can’t be friends. They are these orgasmic little fried doughnuts sprinkled with powdered sugar, accompanied by some kind of cappuccino sauce with hints of orange. They’re insane. The eggs Benedict are also to die for. Everything here is good.

The best thing about the whole weekend was seeing my friends, the ones who know me best, who I can simply be myself around and feel at home with. It’s always so sad to leave, but I’m reminded of how
incredibly blessed I am when I spend time with my girls. I plan to eat nothing but vegetables for the next week because I swear I gained 5 pounds from all the awesome food we ate. Viva Dallas!

Gardeners Really Do Know All The Best Dirt

March 7, 2013 by Leah 1 Comment

This past Saturday it snowed, so Sunday seemed like the perfect day to break ground for a vegetable garden. Rob was able to borrow a tiller from a friend and we set to it. Once again, like every project with this house, I thought this would be an easy task that would take like 30 minutes max with a crazy big tiller…no.

I decided that I wanted to do a 12′ x 18′ plot, which would provide plenty of room for several types of vegetables, but also not be overwhelming to keep up with. When I laid the bamboo out in the yard, the space looked very small to me, but when the tilling started, I thought, “Oh man, what on earth am I getting myself into?” Pun possibly intended.

The soil in my yard is a nasty mixture of clay and rocks that doesn’t lend itself to digging. It took about three rounds of tilling to get the soil to a workable consistency before adding amendments. We also discovered a lovely 12″ diameter concrete footing on the edge of the plot which caused some internal swearing and readjusting the layout in my mind. As Rob tilled, I was raking the largest clumps of grass and roots in an attempt to delay the inevitable onslaught of weeds.

Since the soil in these parts is so rough, we added some organic humus (not to be confused with hummus, which is pronounced differently) along with some good old fashioned horse shit. That’s right, nothing gets those veggies going like a healthy dose of manure. It looks like Rob is doing all the work in these pics, and it would have been an impossible task without him, but I promise I was helping! I have the muscle aches to prove it!

So this is what we ended up with. A lot of weeding still needs to be done, and I plan to also add some lime, and possibly some more of the organic humus (not hummus) to soften the soil up a bit. Right now the soil is most likely having acidity issues due to its clay-like nature and pine needles from a nearby tree. The lime will add a bit of alkalinity that will enable the plants to better absorb the beneficial nutrients from the dirt.

The soil will be able to sit and relax until April 15th, when the growing season officially begins in Zone 7. So what am I planting??? Sweet Slice Cucumbers, Heirloom French Zucchini Ronde de Nice, Heirloom Icebox Watermelon Doll Babies, Nickel French Filet Bush Beans, True Lavender, Sun Gold Cherry Tomato, Giant Belgium Heirloom Tomato, Cherokee Purple Heirloom Tomato, Chives, and some Basil seeds my Uncle John smuggled from Italy. Most of the seeds were ordered from Swallowtail Garden Seeds, some were purchased at Yarrow Acres, and the rest fell into my lap. I’m terrified. I suck at growing seeds. I can keep plants alive, and can find my way around a garden, but seed starting is a whole different ball game, and I can only hope these things survive. Here’s the arsenal.

Used berry containers, used pots from the Hens & Chicks, and a flat of small pots given to me by a friend. I broke down and got seed starting soil, which I hate. The stuff is so fine that when I tried to water it, there were lots of bubbles and the water was draining through the soil, but not actually making it wet. ARGH! So I gave up on the watering can and started using the sprayer in the sink. What a mess.

The seeds were also so tiny, I was having multiple heart attacks trying to plant them just right. Tweezers ended up being the tool that saved the evening.

I have nowhere in the house to put these seeds where they’ll get adequate light other than the laundry room, which is not a south-facing room…it’s also not heated. I’m going to put a space heater in there at night and see what happens. Not a totally ideal situation, but I’m hoping the warm weather gets here soon.

Now I wait to see if this endeavor is a total failure or not. It’s quite amazing to think that towering plants can come from such tiny seeds, but I’m excited to see what happens! The beans, cucumbers, zucchini, and watermelon will be directly sown into the ground in April. The prospect of being able to grow food is such an amazing thought, especially since I’ve been particularly discouraged by the supermarket produce sections of late. Books like The Dirty Life and You Grow Girl have inspired me to want to use the land I have for something beneficial. Gardening is a physical effort that gets the body moving, a spiritual effort since many events in life are related to growth, and a mental effort since a bit of learning is required. I think the quote that sums it up best for me is, “If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” Thank you, Cicero!

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